In one of my previous blog posts I touched on my relationship with my mom. Feel free to read that one first and then come back to this post.
I have realized that Mom has to do with my whole life.
- Mom laid down pursuing her dreams to awaken the dreamer in me.
- Mom made $10,000 her first year as a single mother.
- Mom worked part-time at Ann Taylor to support us while building her life-coaching business.
- Mom served others.
- Mom served me when I was so unworthy of her generosity.
- Mom stayed strong when I was in pain.
- Mom told me that I would influence this generation so many times that I actually believe her now.
- Mom taught me life lessons I'll never forget.
- Mom never judged me and always welcomed me home with open arms when I made mistakes.
- As an adult, Mom taught me to think on my own and make informed decisions.
- Mom let me grow up and she let me have space to learn on my own.
- Mom always stayed close by.
- Mom is beautiful and taught me to love my beautiful brown face and hair. She would look me in the eyes and say, "You are a beautiful brown girl and I love you."
- Mom affirmed me, even when I went through a phase where I was convinced she did not love me.
- Mom cheers me on and encourages me. My favorite quotes from her are: "You are Faitth with two t's because you are unique and no one can be you" "Go for it my little trailblazer" "I love you princess" "My little fireball"
My mom would always correct me when needed but she was careful not to crush "my spirit." I have a strong personality. I am opinionated, I talk a lot, I am animated and dramatic, I am passionate, there is not an introverted aspect to my personality at all, and I talk to strangers. I am the child that calls home to tell my mom about my passion for missions and at 20 years old I am leading a trip to Thailand with a bunch of college kids. I am the child that rides on an elephants neck in Thailand and feels alive, I am the child that said "I am not a girly girl" and kept up with everything my brother did, I am the child that would harbor sins of the heart and not overt disobedience. I am the child that made her get on her knees and pray a lot, I hurt her feelings several times, I made her cry several times, and I was a whole lot to handle. Somehow, she never spoke negatively about me. In fact, she told me how much she loved my bubbly personality and the fact that I could make the whole family laugh till they cried. She let me sing to my hearts content and encouraged me to write songs and pursue my love for music. If I was being disrespectful she would say, "Faitth you are very respectful." She wasn't saying it sarcastically either, she would call out greatness and eventually (sometimes years later) see the fruit of those confessions. My mom knew she was raising leaders. She would often pray over my brother and I "God don't promote them to a place their character can't keep them." Her prayer was that our character would always be developed first before we were promoted to any position. This has remained her prayer and she has seen it answered time and time again.
When developing a relationship with my brother and I as adults, she completely switched gears from mommy to friend and guidance counselor. She still does mommy-like things but she lets me have freedom. I moved in with my mom after college and it was a little rough at first but my brother told me to stick it out. He literally had to tell me how good it was for me to have this time with my mom, I felt he was fooling me because he had roommates and that seemed more appealing. In the beginning I was counting down till our lease was up so I could move out. Well 2 and a half years later, we are still living together. Our only request to each other is to keep one another posted on our whereabouts, that's it. She set up no rules for me- we are roommates. I pay my half and she pays hers. She will give suggestions laced with prayer and guidance; she has learned how to influence me as an adult. She is sneaky but it works.
We are so opposite. I will run around and stay busy at all times. My mom will stay home and read books and throw in occasional socialization. She reads probably one book a week. She is brilliant people. I mean brilliant. She is my opposite but I love it. I love introverts so much. It has taken me a while to understand you people but now I want to be your friend. Obviously it's not surprising that half of my close friends are introverts. My mom is so calm that I get frazzled when I am surrounded by people that are easily stressed. She would always say "don't sweat the small stuff Faitth." She has learned all about who I am from living with me as an adult. She has learned that sometimes I want affection, other times I don't want to be bothered at all (this is my "do not talk to me at all" mood), I want her to listen to my ranting social justice discussions(She is so gracious- I have a lot of these moments), I want us to watch a show together, I want to sleep in her bed because I had a hard day and I want her near by. She is always available. She lives her life like that for other people as well.
If I go through a break up I can expect ice cream girl talk at Chick-Fil-A. If I go on a road trip and I am tired she will talk to me most of the way. Sometimes she is just on the phone and we aren't saying anything. She has prayer meetings with me and my friends( Jessica you know what that is all about! lol). She makes my friends her daughters. In fact my best friend Abby and my mom text each other, Ha. It is the funniest thing ever. She is present and her presence gives me confidence. So mom you should write a book on parenting because being an African-American homeschool mother with her Masters Degree in Christian counseling, creating your own high school transcripts for your homeschooled kids that went onto graduate from college and begin successful careers. Raising two children that adore you- is pretty rare these days. People need your voice.
I could go on and on about how my mother's influence has changed my life. In the teenage years a lot of times girls disconnect with their mothers because we see things about our mom's that we don't want to be. Little do we know, years later we will take on some of those character traits that we loathed (Trust me mom's you will get a laugh when this happens). We will realize that we need you and holding you at bay is not productive. Give us time mom's. We will come around.