What's Mom Got To Do With It?

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In one of my previous blog posts I touched on my relationship with my mom. Feel free to read that one first and then come back to this post.

I have realized that Mom has to do with my whole life.

  1. Mom laid down pursuing her dreams to awaken the dreamer in me.
  2. Mom made $10,000 her first year as a single mother.
  3. Mom worked part-time at Ann Taylor to support us while building her life-coaching business.
  4. Mom served others.
  5. Mom served me when I was so unworthy of her generosity.
  6. Mom stayed strong when I was in pain.
  7. Mom told me that I would influence this generation so many times that I actually believe her now.
  8. Mom taught me life lessons I'll never forget.
  9. Mom never judged me and always welcomed me home with open arms when I made mistakes.
  10. As an adult, Mom taught me to think on my own and make informed decisions.
  11. Mom let me grow up and she let me have space to learn on my own.
  12. Mom always stayed close by.
  13. Mom is beautiful and taught me to love my beautiful brown face and hair. She would look me in the eyes and say, "You are a beautiful brown girl and I love you."
  14. Mom affirmed me, even when I went through a phase where I was convinced she did not love me.
  15. Mom cheers me on and encourages me. My favorite quotes from her are: "You are Faitth with two t's because you are unique and no one can be you" "Go for it my little trailblazer" "I love you princess" "My little fireball"

Yeah, she ran an half-marathon or maybe it was a full marathon...either way she ran a long distance.

My mom would always correct me when needed but she was careful not to crush "my spirit." I have a strong personality. I am opinionated, I talk a lot, I am animated and dramatic, I am passionate, there is not an introverted aspect to my personality at all, and I talk to strangers. I am the child that calls home to tell my mom about my passion for missions and at 20 years old I am leading a trip to Thailand with a bunch of college kids. I am the child that rides on an elephants neck in Thailand and feels alive, I am the child that said "I am not a girly girl" and kept up with everything my brother did, I am the child that would harbor sins of the heart and not overt disobedience. I am the child that made her get on her knees and pray a lot, I hurt her feelings several times, I made her cry several times, and I was a whole lot to handle. Somehow, she never spoke negatively about me. In fact, she told me how much she loved my bubbly personality and the fact that I could make the whole family laugh till they cried. She let me sing to my hearts content and encouraged me to write songs and pursue my love for music. If I was being disrespectful she would say, "Faitth you are very respectful." She wasn't saying it sarcastically either, she would call out greatness and eventually (sometimes years later) see the fruit of those confessions. My mom knew she was raising leaders. She would often pray over my brother and I "God don't promote them to a place their character can't keep them." Her prayer was that our character would always be developed first before we were promoted to any position. This has remained her prayer and she has seen it answered time and time again.

When developing a relationship with my brother and I as adults, she completely switched gears from mommy to friend and guidance counselor. She still does mommy-like things but she lets me have freedom. I moved in with my mom after college and it was a little rough at first but my brother told me to stick it out. He literally had to tell me how good it was for me to have this time with my mom, I felt he was fooling me because he had roommates and that seemed more appealing. In the beginning I was counting down till our lease was up so I could move out. Well 2 and a half years later, we are still living together. Our only request to each other is to keep one another posted on our whereabouts, that's it. She set up no rules for me- we are roommates. I pay my half and she pays hers. She will give suggestions laced with prayer and guidance; she has learned how to influence me as an adult. She is sneaky but it works.

My mom went skydiving with friends while I was in college.

 We are so opposite. I will run around and stay busy at all times. My mom will stay home and read books and throw in occasional socialization. She reads probably one book a week. She is brilliant people. I mean brilliant. She is my opposite but I love it. I love introverts so much. It has taken me a while to understand you people but now I want to be your friend. Obviously it's not surprising that half of my close friends are introverts. My mom is so calm that I get frazzled when I am surrounded by people that are easily stressed. She would always say "don't sweat the small stuff Faitth." She has learned all about who I am from living with me as an adult. She has learned that sometimes I want affection, other times I don't want to be bothered at all (this is my "do not talk to me at all" mood), I want her to listen to my ranting social justice discussions(She is so gracious- I have a lot of these moments), I want us to watch a show together, I want to sleep in her bed because I had a hard day and I want her near by. She is always available. She lives her life like that for other people as well.

If I go through a break up I can expect ice cream girl talk at Chick-Fil-A. If I go on a road trip and I am tired she will talk to me most of the way. Sometimes she is just on the phone and we aren't saying anything. She has prayer meetings with me and my friends( Jessica you know what that is all about! lol). She makes my friends her daughters. In fact my best friend Abby and my mom text each other, Ha. It is the funniest thing ever. She is present and her presence gives me confidence. So mom you should write a book on parenting because being an African-American homeschool mother with her Masters Degree in Christian counseling, creating your own high school transcripts for your homeschooled kids that went onto graduate from college and begin successful careers. Raising two children that adore you- is pretty rare these days. People need your voice.

Did you know my mom is a life coach, speaker, and author? :)

I could go on and on about how my mother's influence has changed my life. In the teenage years a lot of times girls disconnect with their mothers because we see things about our mom's that we don't want to be. Little do we know, years later we will take on some of those character traits that we loathed (Trust me mom's you will get a laugh when this happens). We will realize that we need you and holding you at bay is not productive. Give us time mom's. We will come around.

XOXO

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Our Friendship-Their Parenting

As a kid my brother and I were close but when we were little we always told on each other. My parents grew tired of it. They told us to stop telling on each other and to work it out.

"Work it out" those three words led the bond of a lifetime. We were not going to talk or incriminate each other anymore. In fact, we became confidants. We did everything together. We created our own world where we were spies we called it "kids" (Don't ask me why...I was like 6 when we created that name). Since I followed after everything my brother did, when he was done with something that meant I had to be done too. 

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Examples:

  • He was "too old" to watch Barney and that meant I was too.
  • He didn't want to play "kids" anymore after years of imaginary adventures as kid spies (Let me tell you, the moment he broke this news to be I was devastated. I tried playing kids by myself and making it sound fun in hopes that he would join me again but he was done. Kids was no fun playing alone so after a short time, I was done too).
  • If he didn't like something, then I didn't either.

Move in the teenage stage, coupled with hormonal changes and this is when Dr. Phil, I mean my counselor mom, had to step in. She had to help us understand each other. Miscommunication happened more frequently and I was trying to figure out what I liked and how to formulate my own opinions (so I thought). This is also the phase where I was discovering my style and quite often embarrassed him with my clothing choices.

IMG_3667If it wasn't for my parents, especially my mom, then my brother and I would not be best friends. Sadly, for them, they created a force to be reckoned with. We are each other's advocates and greatest defense attorney. If I need something, he will take care of it and vice versa. We have only had maybe 1 major argument and that's it. The rest have been disagreements- my mom taught us how to be civil and we followed through on that most of the time. The fact is, when you have a brother like mine, it's hard to be mad. First of all, it takes a lot for me to be angry- I have to be deeply hurt. Second of all, when you are trying to keep an angry face and be agitated and your brother does something outrageously goofy to make you laugh, you just can't stay mad anymore.

That is our life. My brother and I have had our "rubber meets the road" moments and our "Come to Jesus" talks but thanks to our parents, we get each other. We understand and know each other every well.

My parents valued the health of our relationship so much, that they facilitated a bond so strong that sometimes (most of the time) I would rather go to my brother about an issue first. Instead of them being mad and jealous that I wanted to go to him first, they encouraged it. My mom taught me as a little girl to listen to whatever my brother said, and if he was wrong, she would deal with him. So then I became a faithful follower and dedicated little sister. My first and only fight was when I was 8 years old, finishing off a little boy who got in a fight with my brother. Instead of running to get help like I should have, I jumped in and said "no one messes with my brother!" We definitely got a lecture but not spanking, which meant we weren't in that much trouble.

I followed my brother to college. I would love to say that I didn't follow him and I made this grand decision on my own but truth be told, he was there, and I wanted to be with him. I always dreamed of us being in college together. That was a fun year and a half. We had been separated for about 3 years and I missed my brother terribly. We embarked on the adventure of our adult friendship and it was so much fun. We did so much together.

IMG_3701I know people think we are weird and that I love my brother too much or maybe that I am obsessed (I am not). I love our friendship. It the kind where no matter what disagreements we may have, we are blood. We are family. Having a family member as your best friend is such a a gift. One day it will just be me and him when our parents aren't on this earth anymore.

In case you didn't know it, my brother is one cool guy. He has such a pastors heart (He will be a pastor one day), he serves others, and lovespeople well. He is the superstar in this family people. He is the most level-headed, most always cool, calm, and collected. Don't be fooled by his humorous nature and ability to hold a conversation with anyone- he is more introverted than me. In fact I have zero introverted personality traits. I am the outgoing, loud, boisterous, emotional, dramatic, passionate, free-spirited dreamer. I am the typical youngest child- the baby. My parents somehow managed to correct me without crushing me, believe in me without building me up too much, and they have tried to keep me as level headed as possible.

Mom and Dad, hat's off to you for fostering and nourishing the greatest friendship I've ever known.

Thank you MJ for teaching me to persevere and never settle. You are a Godly man, you love your girlfriend well and inspire me to wait for an honorable man with character like you, and thank you for making me laugh constantly. My life is better with you in it.

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Myron Brooks Jr. aka MJ

You are one cool guy.

(Sorry ladies, he's been spoken for by Falon KM)

XOXO

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